Though I've scrubbed at many rivers

they will not leave me.

This dirt clings so heavily-

tattooing me with shame

 

The waters won't wash them away

I cry out in my despair

And doubt

That I could ever be clean again

I've scrubbed and scrubbed

My fingers are raw

My hands are numb

As my knees fall weak

My face submerged

In rivers of sorrow

 

I hear a bird

Echo songs softly

The melody pricks

Memory

Haunting

From ages unheld

My eyes befell

Eternity

Beats

Hearts

Race

Cease

I feel tension leave

And peace wash over me

As these waters lap around

This renewed

No longer soiled gown

 

My hands glide on the surface

Of mercy like an ocean

And I remember

That grace feels like drowning

Before learning to swim

And repentance

Carries heaviness

Before it comes within

 

I've bathed in many rivers

Trying to find a god

Who would answer for my stains

Wounds given by supposed saints

I was looking for an answer

To the hideousness

I saw

Among holy robed people

Claiming they knew God.

 

I found a faith so fluid

It moves about me

It takes more strength

To believe

Than ever told to me

Each day I choose

Which song to listen to

In Which water to baptize my sins

Cross over the river

Find where it meets the sea

And you will know

Where I found waters

To heal all my uncertainty. 

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